Overwhelmed 

Nowadays we are just bombarded with stuff. Loud noise, flashing lights, that annoying beeping that just won’t turn off on the dishwasher, horns going off, flickering lamps- all these things that we ignore. Even without that, we have schoolwork, jobs, and housework. My meagre ’empty the dishwasher’ seems to be too much sometimes when it comes to chores. We get hours of homework to do after hours of school, and then we sit and watch or read while listening or playing. Multitasking all the time. And the worst, most difficult, most time consuming thing- people. They are the reason you spend ten minutes staring at yourself telling yourself your hair looks fine and you don’t look fat. They are the reason you stress about what someone’s said, and they are the reason you stress about what you’ve said. You have to worry about not being cruel, not being selfish, not being cocky, not coming across as attention seeking. I have to say, it all gets far too much sometimes, and my best recommendation for those moments is one simple thing.

 Sit down. In the quiet. No screens, no music, no pages to turn, just sit. Don’t talk or sing or hum, or even try to think. Just sit, and stare at a wall or something. It helps, even if just for a minute, to take a second from our daily lives and calm down.

Pajamas

I don’t know about you, but I have many pairs of pajamas. My favourite, a comfortable, well fitting t shirt with some joggers, are also my most aesthetically pleasing. My least favourite– checked pink and uncomfortable, sporting a buttoned shirt and ill fitting trousers, are, coincidence or no, my least aesthetically pleasing.

This trend doesn’t continue to my second favourite pajamas, but after that it follows completely. If we assume it isn’t a coincidence, I think it’s really a reflection on what society is based on today. Far too much riding on appearance on a day to day basis, making us always want to look our best, even when we’re sleeping. It’s sad that we’ve got to here, and not at all the way it should be.

PSE in Schools

In my school, PSE is split into four sections- lifestyle, diet, careers and the dreaded sexual education.  We have our weekly lesson for an hour, and to be honest, I can’t say a thing I’ve learnt from them. Sexual education leaves you stumbling in the dark, as the tentative subject doesn’t go into enough detail to be helpful! Lifestyle is basically telling us we’re all fat, but tone ok with that, and diet is repeating the food plate over and over again while telling us to ‘exercise daily’. How am I meant to exercise daily when I get up at twenty to seven, go to school, get home at 4:30 and then eat, shower, revise, do homework, practice violin, and go to clubs, on top of organising D of E and learning vocab? I can’t exercise at lunch; I have two clubs every day except Thursday and Friday, and I volunteer in the library on those days!  It is plain ridiculous. It is a wonder I have a social life, and it is no wonder things are overwhelming at the moment. And as for careers, that has certainly been no help! I am no closer to narrowing down from: something in languages, teacher, lecturer, programmer, and engineer. I don’t know what I’m doing, quite frankly, and this blog is really helping to just get that off my chest. The frustrating thing is that every half a term our group, made up of mixed classes, is switched into another classroom with a different subject, and the whole palava starts again.

Let’s Just Talk About Me!

First things first (I’m the realest), I am a 13 year old, I have cyclothymia, depression and social anxiety. I go to a girls school in England, and my hobbies are: 

  • Reading, as you will know if you saw my last post
  • Youtube, ^^^ 
  • Music
  • Violin
  • Languages
  • Programming
  • Photography

Sorry this is very listy. 🙂

My favourite school subjects are: (the ones I’m taking for GCSE have an asterisk)

  • Maths *
  • Spanish *
  • Music
  • Latin *
  • Mandarin *
  • Greek *
  • English * 
  • Computing * 
  • Physics *
  • Biology *

I have a brother and a stepsister, 103 living relatives in four generations and my mum is gay.

Life is not that great right now, but no matter how overwhelming right now, it gets better, right?

Book Review: All I Know Now by Carrie Hope Fletcher

First things first, anyone who’s come expecting a ‘real book review’ will be disappointed. I’m not doing that! Instead, I want to tell the story of my life from when I heard of the author to now, including anything and everything that involves the book. Maybe I should retitle this… Maybe I will! Who knows?

So it all started two very happy years ago…

 My friend, we’ll call her Jasmine, had introduced me to the Youtube some months before. I was scrolling through my recommended and of course there were a few videos by people I wasn’t subscribed to. I had heard the name before, I’m sure, but it wasn’t until I saw the video entitled ‘Boys in Books are Better- a song by Carrie Hope Fletcher’ (I’m paraphrasing but you get the gist), that I clicked on her channel and, after three seconds of careful consideration, subscribed. I quickly discovered that she was an optimistic, energetic singer/songwriter/actress/vlogger. I also quickly discovered that she was a bookworm, and loved many of the same books as me (Harry Potter, The Uglies, the list goes on). I quickly fell in love with her channel and eventually Jasmine got tickets to the War of the Worlds (TWOTW), the final performing tour in which Carrie Hope Fletcher was performing. Naturally, we were very excited, both of us being fans, and afterwards we waited by stage door… And waited. And waited. She never came, and honestly I have never felt more let down by anyone in my entire life, even though she had no way of knowing we were waiting and to this day does not know there were any of her ‘fans’ (hate that word), in the audience. Despite this, after TWOTW, Jasmine and I became more and more fans. I got a Twitter account purely to follow her, I followed her on Instagram, even though I barely go on it, and I wrote my ‘Letters to Carrie’ once a month. I got replies to each one and I think they were appreciated. It was at this point that ‘YouTubers’ started bringing out books. Carrie realised how her bringing out a book (her long living dream) would reflect and decided to wait to write one.

*one year later* 

‘Twas Autumn, and Carrie started a series called ‘Letters To Autumn’, in which she made a video a day literally talking as if to Autumn. Some were about her day in general, and it was in these two minute videos that she started revealing her writing process- for her book… All I Know Now!

And the rest, as they say (who actually says though?), is history…

The blurb says:

‘Dear You,
My name is Carrie and I’m twenty two years old. Apparently that makes me an adult. Yikes. *Hides stuffed animals*

Anyhow, grown up or not, I did manage to make it through the ‘Teen Age’ more or less in one piece and, a few years ago, I started talking and writing online about some of the things I learnt back then… And a few things I’ve realised since. My daft videos and blogs about broken hearts, bullies and body image- among other things- seemed to help people, so I collected all those thoughts and bits of advice and ramblings into a book. This book. And gosh, isn’t it pretty? Go on, stroke it. You know you want to.

I’m not an expert on life (things I am an expert on: cake, Disney, making the perfect cuppa- that’s about it) but I do think I know a little bit about what’s worrying you* and maybe, with a little bit of luck, some of my stories will make you smile, make you think and, most of all, give you faith that it will all work out right in the end. Because it will. Promise. All I know know is not that much, but I hope it’s enough to help.

*everything right?’